omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
