Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
People in love make me want to vomit
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize