I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
