if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
