what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
