Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
