I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
