Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
