Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
