So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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