Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
