I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
