This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
