Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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