You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
