You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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