Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
