nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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