No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
