I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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