Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
