your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize