I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
