so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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