She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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