I have demons in me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
