hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
