I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
