I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
