stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
