Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
