Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
