I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
