at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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