in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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