My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
