she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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