I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
