I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
