No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
