Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
