I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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