I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
