all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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