then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
