if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
