I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
