Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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