I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
