you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
