my sisters under your porch take her home
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
