just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
