its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
