Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
