the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
