It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
