AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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