pop tarts are not kleenex
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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