We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
