well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
