Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
