They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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