P.S. I can't hear my feet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
