i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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