...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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