I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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