i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
