It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
