you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
