Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize