It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
