Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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