Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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