So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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